"I do love knitting patterns."

You've waited all month, and here it is!

First, let's remember who has control over the winners: Not me. Kay?
Second, absolutely no abusing other people or me. Mark has been reading Eclipse recently, so he's just itching for a banning.

All right! And now, here we go!

First up is Best Halloween Episode of a TV Show.

The winner is... The Simpsons for Treehouse of Horror V! Representing the Simpsons is Homer Simpson.

 And our first drunk of the night! In only the first category! Truly, that is the power of the Halloweenies!

Next is Best Supernatural-Themed Book.

Our winner this year is Harry Potter. Representing the cast of Harry Potter is Albus Dumbledore.

Thank you Professor. We truly respect you.

On the topic of Harry Potter, we have our award for Best Witch or Wizard, which goes to the resident HP physcho, Bellatrix Lestrange.

Now see kids, this is what happens when the Banhammer gets a hold of you.

Now we have a performance by our winner for Best Halloween Song, the residents of Halloween Town singing "This is Halloween"

It is now time to announce the winner for Best Spooky TV Show. We had a good nomination list this year. But who was it that won? Ladies and Gentlemen...Buffy Summers representing Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

 Next up is Best Werewolf, which goes to...Remus Lupin from the Harry Potter series!

Wait, is Kanye even nominated? Oh, right, he is. Well, haul his stupefied ass out of here and get on with the show.

We now have our award for Best Ghost. Our winner has a hard time getting some respect, considering everytime he tries to apply for the Headless Hunt, he is denied. Wonder why? The winner is Nearly Headless Nick!

Our next award, for Best Halloween Movie goes to a Disney movie about three witches who feast on children so they can live forever. The award goes to Hocus Pocus! Representing the cast of Hocus Pocus are the Sanderson Sisters.

Okay, how about we not accept awards like that.

Next award is for Best Vampire, which is for a new nominee, who is part of a popular television show. And is good-looking. The winner is Eric Northman from True Blood!

Well, that was surprisingly anti-climactic.

While we're on the topic of vampires, we had a showdown between two nominees for Best Vampire Hunter. Our champion, Buffy Summers, went up against a newbie. Unfortunately, our challenger, Gabriel Van Helsing has won!

Well, Buffy did kill Edward Cullen, which is way more of an accomplishment than winning a Halloweenie. Amirite?

And now, our last award for the night, goes to our only new category this year, Most Unintentionally Scary. It goes to someone tuly terrifying. Before she let herself go mad, she had an amazing voice, and made catchy music. Now...just...well...Amy Winehouse.

Thank you, Amy, for your brilliant words of wisdom.

And thank you all for your voting and nominating!

These awards have been brought to you by Delicious Candy and Crappy Comics.

So yeah, I missed "All Dogs Go To Heaven" last week, and I sincerely apologize for that. For that, I will have one xtra week for Christmas/Winter movies. How's that?

Also, please think of some Christmas/Winter movies that I should review here. Kay?

In case you have no clue what Mickey's House of Mouse is, here's the basic info: Minnie owns a sort of nightclub for Disney characters only, and Mickey is the host. Goofy is the head waiter, Donald is the maitre'd, Daisy is the...secretary...and Max is the valet. They show cartoons, all pertaining to the plot. For example, one show was about Max wanting to get his driver's liscense, so there were cartoons about cars. Mickey's House of Mouse spawned two direct-to-VHS/DVD specials, called Snowed in at the House of Mouse, and the Halloween special, Mickey's House of Villains.

It's Halloween night, and all the villains have turned up for some fun. But they're not doing their usual House of Mouse fun, where they drink, crack jokes, and Gaston talks about how great he is. Jafar creates a plan to take-over the House of Mouse, only letting villains in.

As cartoons play, the villains start scheming, with Minnie a little suspicious, and Mickey none the wiser. Meanwhile, Donald is trying to scare somebody. Just anybody.

At midnight, Ursula grabs Minnie, Cruella grabs the lights, as the villains sing about how they want a cool place to hang out just for villains. They release bats, chase their foes out, change the sign to read "House of Villains", and change the color scheme of the place. All within 2 minutes. Damn, are those villains good.

The gang try many attempts to get the place back, but keep failing, while the villains show cartoons where Mickey, Minnie, and Donald are scared shitless, and nearly die.

They go for one last round of beating the villains where Mickey...re-enacts Fantasia? When that seems to be failing, Aladdin comes into helps out. Sort of. Watch the anti-climax here.

Overall, this was all right. I applaud the attempt to bring back the cartoons, and bring characters from Disney movies in. However, this special...there are some reall good cartoons ("How to Haunt a House", "Lonesome Ghosts") some weak ones "Mickey's Mechanical House") and some just plain weird ("Dance of the Goofys"). As for the plot. It is a clever idea, and the villains shine in the movie.

However, the climax is just sad. I mean, if all it took was that lamp, why didn't Aladdin just show up with the lamp while the villains were trying to take-over? Was he stuck in traffic? Was he doing something stupid with the Genie? And for that matter, what kind of OOC there, huh? Aladdin from his own canon would've handled that shit himself. But here, he's all "Mickey, use the lamp! I would do it myself, but I've got a haircut!"

This film recieves a C+. Could use some improvement in the climax, Could've chosen some better cartoons, but has some good parts.

Cartoons:
Trick or Treat (1952)
Mickey's Mechanical House (1999)
How to Haunt a House (1999)
Lonesome Ghosts (1937)
Dance of the Goofys (1999)
Donald Duck and the Gorilla (1944)
Donald's Halloween Scare (1999)
Hansel and Gretel (1999)

Song:
"It's Our House Now"

I decided to shake it up this year, to make it impossible for you to miss one poll!

Please do not vote here. I have links provided to each category for you to vote there. Please click on those links to vote. If you vote here, I will not count it.

So, let's get to the nominees:

Best Vampire:

• Angel/Angellus from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Lestat from Anne Rice's Vampire Chronicles
• Eric Northman from True Blood
• Spike from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Count Dracula from Dracula
• Stefan Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries
• Damon Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries

Best Witch or Wizard:

• Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter
• Samantha Stevens from Bewitched
• Draco Malfoy from Harry Potter
• Albus Dumbledore from Harry Potter
• Hermione Granger from Harry Potter
• Harry Potter from Harry Potter
• Justin Russo from Wizards of Waverly Place
• Severus Snape from Harry Potter
• Lord Voldemort from Harry Potter

Best Werewolf:

• Daniel "Oz" Osbourne from Buffy the Vampire Slayer
• Scott Howard from Teen Wolf
• Remus Lupin from Harry Potter
• Michael Jackson from "Thriller"
• Fenrir Greyback from Harry Potter

Best Vampire Hunter:

• Gabriel Van Helsing from Van Helsing
• Buffy Summers from Buffy the Vampire Slayer

Best Ghost:

• Slimer from The Real Ghostbusters
• The Flying Dutchman from SpongeBob SquarePants
• Casper the Friendly Ghost from Casper the Friendly Ghost
• Nearly Headless Nick from Harry Potter
• The Grey Lady from Harry Potter

Best Halloween Movie:

• Hocus Pocus (Walt Disney Pictures)
• Return of the Living Dead (Orion Pictures)
• Jesus Camp (Magnolia Pictures)
• Child's Play (MGM/UA)
• The Halloweentown series (Disney Channel Original Movie)
• Idle Hands (Columbia Pictures)

Best Halloween Episode of a TV Show:

• Invader Zim's Halloween Spectacular of Spooky Doom
• The Simpsons' Treehouse of Horror V
• It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown!
• Boy Meets World's And Then There Was Shawn

Best Spooky TV Show:

• Buffy the Vampire Slayer (WB Television Network)
• True Blood (HBO)
• Paranormal State (A&E)
• Wizards of Waverly Place (Disney Channel)
• Ghost Whisperer (CBS)
• The Twilight Zone (CBS)
• Scooby-Doo, Where Are You! (CBS)

Best Supernatural-Themed Book:

• Something Wicked This Way Comes by Ray Bradbury
• Pet Semetary by Stephen King
• Goosebumps by R.L. Stine
• Harry Potter series by J.K. Rowling
• American Gods by Neil Gaiman
• Sookie Stackhouse series by Charlaine Harris

Best Halloween Song:

• "Ghost of a Texas Ladies Man" by Concrete Blonde
• "Thriller" by Michael Jackson
• "The Monster Mash" by Bobby Boris Pickett
• "Ghostbusters Theme Song" by Ray Parker, Jr.
• "Time Warp" from Rocky Horror Picture Show
• "This is Halloween" from The Nightmare Before Christmas
• "Werewolves of London" by Warren Zevon

Most Unintenionally Scary:

• Stephenie Meyer for her hatred of women and humans
• Lady Gaga for her outfits and extravagant performances
• Sarah Palin for her love of illegal hunting practices, hatred of the enviroment, and ambition to become president
• Speidi (Heidi and Spencer Pratt) for being Heidi and Spencer Pratt
• Kanye West for mercilessly interrupting the world
• Amy Winehouse for letting the drugs go to her head

Now, for some special treats for you guys. Here is a video series on teaching the "Thriller" dance. Now you can show everyone how do properly do the "Thriller"

And, something completely un-Halloween, Why is the rum gone? and I've got a jar of dirt.

This week has not been a good week for fat people. And considering our second part? Anyone over 100 lbs. falls into this category.

First off, we have to take a look at Stephenie Meyer's biographical manga. Sure, we've already complained that she is the anti-feminist, that J.K. Rowling should've deserved one of these before S. Meyer, but that isn't nearly as annoying as this new fact.

Here is Stephenie Meyer in real life:

And these are pictures of Stephenie Meyer in her comic book:

Ashly also pointed out that Stephenie's lips are smaller. The only thing I can think of that is kept the same is her breast size.

Now, we all know how shallow Stephenie Meyer is, considering the only fat character in the Twilight series is Charlie. Edward beauty is described 100+ times in Twilight alone, Bella considers herself a goddess after being turned, you get the idea. Stephenie still uses that skinny shot of her that she stole from some kid on MySpace with their display name as "Sara Suicide".

But this is way more. These are supposed to be books about female empowerment. These are about praising female heroes in today's society, for their talents, not their looks. So how is this supposed to help by trimming her into half her size? How does this reflect on the fact that one of today's biggest female heroes is so insecure that she needs to be drawn into the smallest size?

While Stephenie Meyer didn't start writing at the weight she is now, she certainly wasn't that skinny in all of her old promotion photos.

Also in fat news, Ralph Lauren has fired a model for being too fat. This model is the infamous photoshopped model, who was shopped to extreme ridiculousness.

More pictures! Here is said model in reality:

She is like, so fat, right? At 5'8 and 120 lbs, she has got to have cankles! 

Fillipa Hamilton, the model shown here, has been modeling since she was 15. That is, until they fired her for being fat. Oh, and when they photoshopped her to look like this.

God, this is worse than the seventeen-year-old recovering anorexic being sent home from Paris for being too fat.

As a teenage girl who is over size 6, I'm not feeling all that great. Someone who is (for some reason) considered a female hero can't even come to terms with her own weight, and tries to conceal it as hard as she can, and a model who is taller than me and weighs less than me is fired for being fat.

Oh? Are you going to complain that this is late? Well, it is not late. Time is just...early.

Aladdin is doing some fun, as a villain named Abis Mal is introduced, who is played by Jason Alexander. Abis has a group of thieves, who doesn't like him. Aladdin stops Abis (setting off a cycle in the TV series), and gives many riches to the city of Agrabah. Apparently, he lives in the palace now, with Jasmine, Sultan, Abu and Rajah. Meanwhile, Iago gets fed up, escapes the lamp, and heads off for Agrabah. Aladdin goes out on the town before a big dinner at the palace (by which I mean, a dinner with...regular family members...but apparently it's special!) and sees Iago. He saves Aladdin's life, and Aladdin repays him by forgiving him for that one altercation from the last movie.

As Aladdin prepares to convince Sultan to give Iago a second chance, the Genie returns, as things are really back to normal. Sort of. At dinner, Genie is entertaining them, as Iago crashes the party, just as Sultan announces Aladdin's new position as Royal Viser. After some yelling, Sultan reluctantly agrees, as Jasmine is mad that Aladdin lied again. Then Iago repays Aladdin m=by setting things right.

Abis finds the lamp, rubs it, releasing Jafar. They reach an agreement. Abis can have his three wishes, if he helps him destroy Aladdin. Jafar squeezes his way back into the palace, making Iago apart of his plan. Iago convinces Aladdin and Sultan to go away for a nice talk, without Genie. Jafar captures Genie, and Abis captures Sultan. Then Aladdin returns back to the palace, hoping to clear things up with Razoul. Jafar as Jasmine (Jafasmine) imprisons Aladdin, sentencing him to exucution the next day. All's going well, right? Iago switches sides, breaks open Genie's case, as he saves Aladdin just in time, as they devise a plan to get rid of Jafar once and for all, by destroying Jafar's lamp. Iago destroys Jafar's lamp, and they all live happily ever after. Aladdin steps down as Royal Viser, stating he'd rather see the world, and star in a TV series. Jasmine joins him, and all is well. That is, until Jafar returns AGAIN for an episode of Hercules: The Animated Series.

Over all, it's not bad. The animation is not good though. The songs are okay, there is one part where the plot just kind of...dissolves. But other than that, it's all right. This movie served as a kick-off to the TV series and kind of feels as if it was created for that purpose. While it's not bad, it's clear the superior Aladdin sequel is Aladdin and the King of Thieves, which isn't even superior to the original. However, I suppose Aladdin 4 is worth mentioning.

Songs:

"Arabian Nights"
"I'm Looking Out for Me"
"Nothing in the World"
"Forget About Love"
"You're Only Second Rate"

I am so fed up with the blatant rudeness of this generation. These kids need some manners.

And trust me, I go to high school. The majority of kids are assholes.

So, everyone here, rant about the teenage rudeness of this generation here. Tell stories, headdesk, facepalm, just don't threaten violence. Believe me, I wish I could, but we shouldn't be threatening people over the Internet. Kay?

So, here in Washington State, we have our own little domestic partner bill going on. Basically, a gay couple can get every right married couples have. Death benefits, sick days to take care of their partner, all the like. The only thing they don't get, is the right to be legally married. This should be enough for conservatives, right? Apparently, not so.
Opposition has come, with petitions, and signs reading "Protect Marriage and Children"

And this is where I get confused.

Can anyone tell me how ANYONE could reach the logical conclusion that gay marriage is hurting our children? Anyone at all?

In fact, if anything, it helps them.
Orphans can be adopted by two loving parents. Right?

If anyone could give me a logical explanation, I would be grateful.

Before I go on with today's review, I have a quick announcement to make.

Due to technicalities, I have moved the schedule around A LOT. The revised schedule is as follows:

• October 12: The Return of Jafar
• October 19: All Dogs Go To Heaven
• October 26: Mickey's House of Villains
• November 2: DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp
• November 9: FernGully: The Last Rainforest

After this will be all Christmas movies. So, on with today's review of An American Tail.

This is one of Don Bluth's good films. It was inventive, it was cute, and it was even more cultural. Even the main character, Fievel, has an accent.

It starts with the Mousekowitz dreaming about the utopia of the United States of America as they celebrate Hannukah. I always hate to be Betty Dreamcrusher in these cases, but being a foreigner in America these days is not fun at all. The only upside is you don't work in a labor camp. However, the family is Jewish, and they live in Germany. Well, can't really blame them for thinking America is the shit.

Aboard the ship, the immigrants break into a song called "No Cats in America." After the song, Fievel is thrown overboard. So, the mouse, who is the equivalent of a human five-year-old, survives and floats all the way to America. While there are no cats in America, there is a God.

Once he arrives in America, he meets a pedgeon named Henri, who encourages him to find his family via song ("Never Say Never"), and Fievel begins his hunt to find his family. After Henri provides Fievel a ride, we are introduced to Warren T. Rat, and Digit. They con Fievel, and then puts Fievel in a sweatshop.  Meanwhile, the other Mousekowitzes grieve over Fievel's "death", while trying to adjust to America.

Fievel escapes with a new friend, named Tony. They run into an Irish activist named Bridget, who Tony falls in love with. After learning that there are cats in America, the three go to Honest John to see if he can locate the Mousekowitzes. And then, we get another song, sung by Fievel and his sister, Tanya, called "Somewhere Out There", and if you haven't cried yet, this song will make you.

Fievel attends a rally against cats, and gets really bored. Like I am. Fievel helps conspire a plan, as his family JUST misses him. AGAIN. They all go to an abandoned building to build a "Mouse of Minsk". Tony and Fievel, however, are late, and Fievel gets captured by a vegetarain cat named Tiger. He is persuaded by Fievel and lets him go. Fievel's release triggers an alarm, as Warren, who turns out to be a cat, captures Fievel. Warren threatens to burn all the captives alive, but Fievel chases the cats to a steamer bound for Hong Kong. However, the fire traps them, as the Mousekowitzes encounter Tony and Bridget, who are looking for "Philly" (Fievel's American name).

As firefighters put the fire out, Fievel wakes up, believing to be an orphan. He surrenders to a miserable life as an orphan. Until he hears his father playing the violin, runs out, to actually see it IS his family. And they all live happily ever after.

This is actually a good film. It's original, inventive, shows what many of us consider America to be (a blend of many cultures), and just all around great. My only problem is that this film is very sad. I mean, the plot should tell you so already. But the movie is filled with many fake-outs, where the family JUST misses him by an inch, or Fievel thinks he sees or hears his family. I guess its part of the children's film philosophy that you can add as many sad bits as you want, but as long as you add a happy ending, the children won't have physchological damage.

Overall, I give this film an A-.

Songs:
"Somewhere Out There"
"Never Say Never"
"There Are No Cats in America"

It is September 30th, and while it may be late, you can never be too late to celebrate Halloween ALL MONTH LONG!

A new poll will be posted every Sunday and Thursday, occasionally on Tuesdays. If there is a conflict, I will have someone arranged to fill in for a poll.

Let's go over rules, shall we? Get into it.

"it's been proven in studies that being raped cures 96% of all mental disorders. it's only if you're okay in the first place that it causes problems. check the august 2008 issue of the new scientist."

This was a reply I got on a comment on the Dominos publicity stunt. Long story that doesn't have that much relevance.

I'm not sure if this is even a true story, but seriously, I quit living. This is just fucking terrible. Just so fucking terrible.

This is just fucking terrible. Excuse me, as I go cry for all humanity.