"I do love knitting patterns."

Story: Mandy's Adventures at Hogwarts
Mary-Sue: Mandy Brocklehurst
DLI: None (Thank Jesus)
Backstory: Mandy Brocklehurst is a muggle-born, who is in the same year as Harry Potter, yet is in Ravenclaw.

Summary: It's not finished really, so it's just some girl named Mandy and her expierence going to Hogwarts. We see her get her letter, her go to Diagon Alley, her expierence on the train (she runs into Hermione Granger), being sorted, and her first day at Hogwarts. Of course, we'll probably never see an ending. The author hasn't updated this since August. Of 2002.

Analysis: It's just boring really. Since this story isn't finished (and probably never will be), there isn't anything to spark this up. It's just...the exposition of the plot chart. Just setting up the story, not taking us to the plot.
Also, Mandy is pretty much delightfully void of personality. When she practices a spell, then recieves a letter giving her a warning not do magic at home again, she doesn't question why, she doesn't go all Hermione have a panic attack about it being on her permanent record. She just...talks to her cat. The only hobbies we know of is that she reads fantasy books.
Also, there's one quote where the author is describing our Mary-Sue in favorable terms, kinda trying to make us think she is attractive. Not much of a shocker in Mary-Sue fanfic world. But Mandy Brocklehurst is a first year at Hogwarts. She's eleven years old. Here's the quote:

"Mandy was a medium sized girl but still was tall for an eleven year old. She had dark brown hair that curled behind her ears and fell almost to the small of her back. However, she was complimented the most on her blue eyes. Everyone said they looked like the bottom of some glistening pool. She didn't care how pretty everyone told her she was, she was one of the most shy girls at school. If she got to know someone, then she wasn't so worried around them and could be herself. Nevertheless, when she got around people she didn't know well she kept quiet and only talked when she had to."

I don't know. Maybe it's just me, but I think we're supposed to think she's attractive.
And finally, let's notice the address of Mandy's Hogwarts Letter:

"Ms. M Brocklehurst
Glorious Bedroom Upstairs
20 Blackwater Drive
Little Whinging
Surrey"

I've never been to Little Whinging, or Surrey for that matter, so I can't comment on whether or not the possibilty she could've run into Harry Potter. But "Glorious Bedroom Upstairs"? Really? Since when is Dumbledore using adjectives? I mean, with Harry Potter, he addressed it to just "The Cupboard Under the Stairs". I guess he was just being polite, and not saying "The Shitty Cupboard Under the Stairs"
But I still love the fact that "Defense Against the Dark Arts" was called "Defense Against the Black Arts"
All in all, I don't think it's bad. The writing is meh. Mandy isn't that much of a Mary-Sue in my opinion. She just has zero personality. Granted, most Mary-Sues are the same way, but Mary-Sues are usually characters for the author to put themselves in the story, or the audience. Of course we're supposed to be Mandy, but it's not like she has a DLI, which is usally what Mary-Sues are for. They're for you, the reader, to imagine yourself shacking it up with your favorite male character of a fandom.

Notes: This story isn't finished. I would kinda like to see what happens, for some reason. Maybe I want to see Mandy redeem herself. I don't know.

#1 "A Flash of Gold" Review

Thank you for reading my review.

I am so sick and tired of sweating and crying at midnight trying to get you to work. I am so sick of having to use TWO REMOTES for ONE TV. Especially one that works just as well as atenna TVs.

I would have zero problems with this is if I could use a channel changer on the side, or at least the other remote. BUT NO. Now I'm stuck watching infomercials about some work-out program that's probably going to make me anorexic. You didn't think that one through, did you?

I wouldn't feel so bad if I wasn't forced to do this. But I was.
I wouldn't feel so bad if the remote I have to use change a channel worked. But FUCKING NO.

And I ask again WHAT WAS THE FUCKING POINT OF THIS?

This is worse than when I was stuck watching America's Funniest Home Videos because it took two days to switch to goddamn DTV.

DTV Switch, if you were a person, I would make your new human life so miserable. You would've wished you never happened.

So, DTV switch, in conclusion, I hate you with a passion, your remotes are just about as competent as my mom's former employees, and you can go turn human, and die.

Or to the people behind this revolutionary idea, I will express my feelings, as such:

GOOD FUCKING DAY YOU INCOMPETENT ASSHOLES!

After Rihanna has finally cut Chris Brown loose, what is a girl to do? Therapy? No! Vacation with a fellow pop star, of course! Fun in the sun...

I have no idea why people trust Perez Hilton with their up-to-date gossip news. He's not funny. He's not clever. He's a terrible writer, even in the realm of gossip. And he's a flat-out misogynist.

I know. "Isn't it a little strong to say he hates women, Brittany?" It probably is. But I have proof that he hates women.

Tila Tequila decided to use her breasts for charity, and making a breast cast for the "Keep A Breast Foundation". She was dressed in her underwear for that reason. He called her a "whore"
Remember when Katy Perry did the same thing? Did he call her a whore? Oh no. He commended her for her charity efforts.
We are not going to bring up the fact that Katy Perry actually does more than just have a million MySpace friends. The only reason he didn't call Katy Perry a whore is because he likes to promote every thing she does.
Proof

Even Lily Allen has called out Perez Hilton on his sexist ways.
Source

A thin woman in Hollywood breathes. According to Perez, she must be pregnant!
Really, there's a lot more to being pregnant than having a belly. Try swollen breasts and her being flushed. Tell me, does Kate Moss have swollen breasts? No.
Now tell me. Why would a woman wear that tight of dresses when she's pregnant? That would kill the baby.
Read this

And finally, Perez Hilton's creepy obsession with Miley Cyrus.
Perez Hilton frequently insists that Miley Cyrus is a "slut", "whore" and draws penises around her face. When he talks about her in person, he acts as if Miley's the bitchy high school cheerleader who stole Perez Hilton's boyfriend. Perez Hilton bullies a sixteen-yeard old girl, has started his bullying since she was fifteen, and he is currently 31. This is really creepy
Seriously, look at the way he talks about her here. It scares me.

I find it really weird that he is so misogynist, considering his site started out as a shrine to Paris Hilton. Now? It's his own little sexist carousel, with Katy Perry being his only exception to his women-bullying ways.

Perez Hilton, you do not need to hate women just because you are a gay man.

Rumour has it that for New Moon, Robert Pattinson had to sign a contract saying he would shave, bathe and wear deodorant.
While this isn't confirmed, it's not a far stretch.

Robert Pattinson has admitted in interviews that he doesn't shower. InTouch magazine reports that one of the issues on the New Moon set is that RPattz is stinking up the set, and the crew is disgusted.

Girls, we need to have a talk. What is so attractive about him? Please tell me.

I mean, you don't need a man to provide for you. You don't need a man to make you. It doesn't matter if he's rich. It doesn't matter if he's good-looking. It doesn't matter if he is the most loved man in town. But it does matter that he practices proper hygiene.

BTW, that last part was a joke. Cool off.

This installment's story here.

Story: A Flash of Gold
Mary-Sue: Lillian Cannonbergh
DLI: Harry Potter
Backstory: Lillian Cannonbergh, or Lily for short, is transferring from some elite wizard school in America, to Hogwarts. She was raised in an all magic city in America, even though her mother is a Muggle. Her father is a super famous Auror (even Ron and Hermione know who he is) who was sent from the Fifty Nifty to fight Voldemort, after the Death Eaters killed her mother.

Summary: Lily has been sent to go to school at Hogwarts, and on the train, she shares a cabin with Harry Potter, Ron Weasley, and Hermione Granger. Surprise. Harry and Ron become attracted to her, especially Harry. After her pleasant welcome to the castle, she weeps by the fire over her dead mom, and when Harry comforts her, they kiss. They then start dating, Until Yule Ball (it's going to be held more than just Triwizard Tournament, FYI) when Voldemort sets up some Labyrinth trap, and tries to kill Lily. Then Harry does (fuck, I don't know) and he faints for three days, and awakens to news that Voldemort's dead, and the Weasleys are adopting him.

Analysis: The plot chart for it is kinda like Twilight. It's just little romance stuff (which is supposed to be cute) and then BAM! the plot. Also, Harry and Ron become kinda abusive. When Lily says she can't make it to Yule Ball (before she explained that she saw something sparkly in her crystal ball), Harry yells that just because all the boys want to have sex with her, doesn't mean she can just toy with his heart. This makes Lily run up to the dormitory, crying. When Hermione and Krum kiss, Ron yells at Hermione also, and even calls her a whore.
 Now let's talk about Lily. This girl has no flaws. At all. Or at least, detrimental flaws brought up by the author. However, when Hermione asks the boys why they're so hard over Lily, all they can come up with is that she's pretty, nice, and cute (as in ditzy.) She's also smarter than Hermione, without actually cracking open a non-fiction book besides for class. Being the new and prettier Hermione Granger just comes naturally to her. And any boy at Hogwarts that has hit puberty is attracted to her. Dean, Seamus and Neville spend the first night back discussing who'd have a better chance with her, and reached the conclusion she'd have a boyfriend by tomorrow. Oh, and she's a vegetarian, and watching her weight.
 Now let's talk logic. Even though her father has imprisoned many Death Eaters, Malfoy has no second thoughts about wanting to bone her. Since Malfoy's father is a devout Death Eater, he should despise Lily, or at least, try and fight off his lust for her ala Judge Claude Frollo. Back to Lily's smartness, how can she be smarter than Hermione if she doesn't read as much as Hermione does? And the resolving point of the story, where when Lily sees Harry in the hospital, she is shown to be wearing blood and mud on her still, even though it is mentioned that Harry was asleep/dead for three days. Did she not find time to make it to a shower? If I was covered in blood and mud, I would rush to the shower as soon as I could.

Mary-Sue Score: Lillian Cannonbergh got 77 points on the Mary-Sue Litmus Test. She is an "Irredeemable Sue".

Notes: Some Harry Potter fans reading this may want to complain that Malfoy was too busy with killing a certain person in the sixth book. Some may want to complain that Weasley's Wizarding Wheezes is in Diagon Alley, not Hogsmeade. Some may want to complain about several things. But of course, we can't. This story was published in 2003, and I'm pretty sure Half-Blood Prince hadn't come out then.

DLI: Designated Love Interest. The character in which our Mary-Sue is spiritually betrothed to. He always ends up with her in the end, no matter what.

All Mary-Sue Tests are done here at the "Mary-Sue Litmus Test"

Thank you for reading this.

So I've decided to review some good (as in bad) Harry Potter Mary-Sue fanfic.

So, since there are obviously a lot of Harry Potter Mary-Sue fanfics, I need help weeding out ones that'd be worth a good laugh.

So if you guys have any really good (as in really bad) Harry Potter Mary-Sue fanfics you think I should give a fair crack at, put the links here! I will credit you!

The guidelines:

1. Must be a Mary-Sue one. Gary Stu optional. If you need help with what a Mary-Sue is, go here.
2. Please no suggestions of "My Immortal".  I know it is hilarous, but I think it is too easy.
3. The more grammatical errors, the better!
4. No Ron Weasley as the love interest. It would make me biased, or possibly ruin my image of the precious red-head.
5. Don't whine if I didn't pick your pick. It probably wasn't Mary-Sue enough.

Thank you all! Have a good day!

*So I say so a lot. So?

WARNING: I have been feeling very violent lately. Also, this is a rant, so you will not agree with me.

If I have to hear one more person tell one more story that's supposed to impress me, I will lose it.

Really, it's not making me all "Oh you're so hardcore! I should worship the ground you walk on!" it makes me want to throw something at you.

Seriously:

SHUT THE FUCK UP!

There's no plot. The actors clearly can't act, and it's like no one put any effort into this movie. Except in one particular area: The music.

I have a list of some movies that are terrible, but have a good soundtrack. I'm sure you do too. Let's do this...

Yes, I am copying Rosalie (xxrccola) in the rant department. So, here we go:

How this rant came about was when I was surfing the Internet and came across an article about a high school senior who's suing her high school because they won't let her (she's a lesbian) wear a tux to prom, and she won't wear a dress because she doesn't feel comfortable wearing one.
The comments of the article included a lot of "she chose to be gay", and that led to this rant.

My mom (who does support same sex marriage) would frequently say when I was younger, "You can't help who you like." But this phrase got repeated when a friend of mine (who doesn't) started liking this rude, arrogant jerk, she said "You can't help who you like."

So, if you don't have control over who you're attracted to, then why is being gay a choice?
No one just wakes up one day and says "I think I like girls/boys today." and if they do, then they're stupid. There have been plenty of times when I've come home with guy troubles, and announced to my mom "I'm a lesbian." and she'd say "I don't think it works that way."

Now I am of course all for choices. But homosexuality, even heterosexuality, is not one.
Do we choose what sex we are? And don't bring transgender/transexual into this. They don't get to choose either. They feel they are a boy trapped in a girl's body, or a girl trapped in a boy's body. Doesn't sound like a choice to me.

If you think homosexuality is a choice, then when you find yourself attracted to the most disgusting person of the opposite sex, you tell yourself that is just your choice.

And is it really hurting your morality that someone else is gay? They're not forcing you to be gay. They're not telling you that you need to marry the same gender. They're not forcing you to wear a dress or tux. They're not even inviting you to their wedding. They're just being their damn selves. Get over it.

The shirt you are wearing today is a choice.
The street you drove on your way to work/school today is a choice.
The gender you are attracted to is not a choice.

Tomorrow I will be sixteen-years-old.
I'm trying to be relaxed about it, but it's a little hard.

Actually, to be all technical, in a little over twelve hours, I will be sixteen.
And this weekend will be filled with presents, hugs, "oh you're gowing up so fast"s, presents, cake, ice cream, and did I mention presents?

And now, I lleave you with a picture of me when I first came to Buzznet, at the tender age of thirteen:

Don't I look like such a moody bitch?

P.S. Luckily I was born at nine in the morning, so I don't have to get up at three to celebrate ala DJ Tanner on her thirteenth.

As a first lady, Michelle Obama dines with important people of this world. And as any other down-to-Earth mother, her daughters love boy bands and book series.

So it makes great sense that Michelle Obama will be dining with Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling. And not just dining at the G20 Summit. Sitting right next to the first lady.

Source

Two kick-ass women dining together? It's like a dream.